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I had to get these down “on paper” and they were too good not to share…

J: Mom, What’s it like to be a girl?
M: it’s pretty awesome.
J: well, you have to do your hair all the time and it takes a long time so I don’t think it’d be good.
M: yeah, but it’s fun to do my hair and get dressed up. I like it.
J: well on wacky hair day, all I have to do is comb my hair down. You take a lot of time to get ready. That’s why you’re always late.
M: true. Maybe I should wake up earlier.
J: yeah, like when Alex does.
(Hells no).


J: (while watching football) Mom, do you think anyone can throw a ball all the way across the whole field?
M: I’m not sure. That’s a very long way.
J: I know someone who can. He could throw it all the way around the world. GOD.
M: yup.
J: I’d like to see a football game played between Jesus and God.


J: Country music is my fifth favorite thing. It goes: God, Jesus, my family, the Bible, and country music.

And without fail, just before he hops out of the car to run into school…
J: Hey mom, do you think my penis is touching my underwear right now?

Unreal. I didn’t even know where to go with that one.