Being the mom of a 9-month-old, 3-year-old, and 6-year-old has its perks. For example, I never get lonely, I never run out of things to do, and I fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow.

Well, this past week has been an exceptionally action-packed time of realization thanks to my little rugrats. Here’s what I have learned:

  1. It is in fact possible for a 6-year-old to go to the bathroom 12 times after being put to bed. And something liquid comes out every time. This kid is part canine, I am sure of it.
  2. If you fart while you’re changing your baby’s diaper you can totally blame the stink on him. Genius, I know.
  3. Toddler tantrums are best diffused with humor rather than anger.
  4. Nothing, I mean NOTHING smells worse than 6-year-old morning breath. …OK, maybe 6-year-old buns after a day of wiping himself are worse.
  5. As much as the idea of my 6-year-old being able to take his own showers gives me a new-found sense of independence, giving up control of how clean he REALLY is leaves me frightened. (See #4 for examples.)
  6. My boys are 3 and 6 and they never stop whining, fighting, pestering, touching each other. Ever. No matter what. YAY for siblings!!!
  7. It makes me a MUCH better mom, wife, friend, person in general to go work
    3 days a week. Don’t know where I’d be without that place.
  8. I should be awarded a gold medal for changing a messy poopy diaper with just one wipe. BAM! I totally owned that dirty diaper.
  9. Just when I’m about to go off the deep end on my 3-year-old, (side note: whoever came up with the term terrible 2s must not have ever made it to the 3s because they are SO, SO much worse than the 2s.) he throws me an air kiss and says, “Love you, Mommy.” as if to say “I pushed your buttons again and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it, Lady. Take that.”
  10. Babies are awesome. I wish they could stay small and cuddly forever. And not talk……talk back, that’s what I meant.